Florida Man Builds Apocalypse Bunker with FTX Funds to Escape Hot Car Babysitter

In a bizarre turn of events, a Florida man has reportedly used funds from his FTX trading account to build an elaborate apocalypse bunker. The reason? To escape the horrors of leaving his children in a hot car with a babysitter. Yes, you read that correctly.

It seems that our Floridian friend, let's call him "Sunshine Steve," had grown increasingly concerned about the well-being of his offspring whenever he left them in the care of a babysitter. And what better solution to this problem than to construct an underground fortress capable of withstanding any and all apocalyptic scenarios?

Now, you might be wondering why Sunshine Steve didn't simply find a more reliable babysitter or invest in some good old-fashioned air conditioning for his car. Well, dear reader, that would be far too logical for our Florida Man. Instead, he decided to take matters into his own hands, quite literally.

Using the funds from his FTX trading account, Sunshine Steve spared no expense in creating his very own doomsday sanctuary. Equipped with state-of-the-art technology, a year's worth of non-perishable food, and enough survival gear to make Bear Grylls jealous, this bunker is truly a sight to behold.

But what about the hot car babysitter, you ask? Well, Sunshine Steve's reasoning is quite simple. In his mind, if the world were to end in some catastrophic event, leaving his children in a hot car would be the least of his worries. After all, what's a little heatstroke compared to a zombie apocalypse or a nuclear fallout?

Of course, it's worth mentioning that Sunshine Steve's decision to use his FTX funds for this unusual project has raised a few eyebrows. Some have questioned whether this is a wise investment strategy, while others have simply labeled him as the epitome of the eccentric Florida Man stereotype.

When asked about his reasoning behind the bunker, Sunshine Steve responded with a shrug and a smile, saying, "Hey, you never know what could happen. Better safe than sorry, right? Plus, now I have a cool place to hang out and play video games."

While we can't deny the allure of a secret underground gaming den, it seems that Sunshine Steve may have taken his concerns about babysitting a tad too far. Perhaps it's time for him to reconsider his priorities and find a more practical solution to his childcare woes.

Until then, we can only hope that Sunshine Steve's FTX investments continue to pay off, allowing him to enjoy his bunker in peace, far away from the perils of hot car babysitters and the impending doom of the apocalypse.