In a shocking turn of events, a local man was arrested yesterday for attempting to stab George Santos a whopping 22 times. However, what makes this story truly bizarre is the weapon of choice - a rubber knife. Yes, you read that right, folks. Our criminal mastermind thought he could take down his victim with a weapon more suitable for a children's playtime than a serious crime.
Witnesses at the scene described the incident as both terrifying and comical. One onlooker said, "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this guy brandishing a rubber knife. I mean, who does he think he is, the Joker from Batman?" It seems our would-be assailant missed the memo that rubber knives are better suited for pranks and harmless tomfoolery rather than actual acts of violence.
When questioned about his choice of weapon, the suspect claimed that he thought the rubber knife would be more effective in avoiding detection. "I figured if I used a real knife, I'd leave behind fingerprints and DNA evidence. But with a rubber knife, they'd never be able to trace it back to me," he said with a straight face. Clearly, this criminal mastermind has watched one too many episodes of CSI.
As news of this absurd crime spread, social media exploded with memes and jokes at the expense of our rubber-wielding villain. One user tweeted, "Breaking News: Local man attempts to rob a bank with a water pistol. Police say they were all wet." Another user quipped, "I guess he wanted to make sure his victim had a good laugh before getting stabbed 22 times."
While we can't help but chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of this situation, it's important to remember that the intended victim, George Santos, narrowly escaped harm. Santos, when asked about the incident, simply shrugged and said, "I guess I'm just too tough for rubber."
As for our aspiring criminal, he now faces charges of attempted assault and possession of a weapon, albeit a rather ineffective one. Perhaps this incident will serve as a cautionary tale for all would-be wrongdoers out there - choose your weapons wisely, or risk becoming the laughingstock of the criminal underworld.
