WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a stunning turn of events, a local man has come forward with a bold solution to the ongoing political deadlock between President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump. His proposal? A good old-fashioned game of rock, paper, scissors.
The man, who goes by the name of Larry "The Peacemaker" Johnson, believes that this classic childhood game could be the key to resolving the deep divisions that have plagued the nation for far too long. "I mean, think about it," Johnson said with a twinkle in his eye. "Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock. It's a foolproof system."
Johnson, a self-proclaimed expert in conflict resolution, has been honing his rock, paper, scissors skills for over 30 years. He claims to have never lost a match and is confident that he could bring the same level of success to the negotiating table with Biden and Trump.
"I've seen these guys go back and forth in debates and on Twitter, and it's just not getting us anywhere," Johnson explained. "But with rock, paper, scissors, there are clear rules and a clear winner. It's the ultimate equalizer."
When asked about the potential backlash from the political establishment, Johnson shrugged it off. "Look, I know it sounds crazy, but desperate times call for desperate measures," he said. "And besides, who wouldn't want to see the leader of the free world and a former president battling it out in a game of rock, paper, scissors? It would be the most-watched event in history!"
While many have dismissed Johnson's proposal as nothing more than a pipe dream, there are some who see the potential for a breakthrough. Political analyst Sarah Thompson believes that the simplicity of rock, paper, scissors could be just what the country needs right now.
"We've tried everything else - debates, negotiations, even therapy sessions - and nothing seems to be working," Thompson said. "Maybe a game of rock, paper, scissors is exactly what these two need to put their differences aside and find common ground."
As news of Johnson's proposal spreads, the nation waits with bated breath to see if Biden and Trump will accept the challenge. Will they put their egos aside and embrace the simplicity of a childhood game? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, Johnson is preparing for the possibility of being thrust into the national spotlight. "I've been practicing my rock, paper, scissors technique day and night," he said. "I'm ready for whatever comes my way."
Whether or not Johnson's plan will actually break the deadlock remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain - the man has certainly given us all something to think about. And hey, if rock, paper, scissors doesn't work, maybe we can try a game of duck, duck, goose next.
