Man Who Lived in the Woods Declares Himself Speaker of the House, Only 2 Squirrels Voted for Him

In a shocking turn of events, a man who has been living in the woods for the past decade has declared himself the Speaker of the House. However, his claim to power seems to be based on a rather questionable election process, as only two squirrels were found to have voted for him.

The man, who goes by the name of "Wilderness Bill," emerged from the depths of the forest last week, sporting a long, unkempt beard and a tattered suit made entirely of leaves. He confidently announced his new position as the Speaker of the House, claiming that he had been elected by the woodland creatures who had come to admire his survival skills.

However, upon closer inspection, it became apparent that Wilderness Bill's election might not have been as legitimate as he believed. The only two votes in his favor were cast by a pair of squirrels who were seemingly bribed with acorns. The rest of the forest dwellers appeared to be either disinterested or unaware of the political proceedings.

When questioned about his qualifications for the role, Wilderness Bill proudly proclaimed, "I have spent years living in harmony with nature, fending off bears and outsmarting raccoons. If that doesn't make me qualified to lead, I don't know what does." He then proceeded to demonstrate his leadership skills by attempting to organize a group of rabbits into a parliamentary debate, but they quickly scattered in fear.

As news of Wilderness Bill's self-proclaimed speakership spread, reactions from the political establishment were mixed. Some dismissed it as a mere joke, while others expressed concern over the potential implications for the democratic process. House members were seen shaking their heads in disbelief, with one congressman remarking, "I always knew politics was a bit nuts, but this takes it to a whole new level."

Meanwhile, the two squirrels who voted for Wilderness Bill have reportedly gone into hiding, fearing retribution from their fellow woodland creatures. They have been labeled as traitors and accused of undermining the integrity of the forest's political system. One squirrel, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, admitted, "We were just hungry, and those acorns were too tempting to resist. We never thought it would lead to all this chaos."

As the situation unfolds, it remains to be seen how Wilderness Bill's tenure as Speaker of the House will play out. Will he be able to rally support from other forest inhabitants, or will his claim to power be brushed aside as a mere eccentricity? One thing is for certain: the squirrels will have a lot to answer for when the forest holds its next election.