In a surprising turn of events, former President Bidet has found himself in a bit of a balancing act. Not only is he trying to get a deal done while no longer in the White House, he's also trying to keep classified documents under wraps. Sources close to the situation say that Bidet has been walking a tightrope of sorts, trying to appease both his business partners and the government agencies that are demanding he hand over the sensitive information. "Let's just say that Bidet's recent crowing has been more of a balancing act than a victory lap," quipped one political analyst. "He's trying to keep everyone happy, but it's like trying to juggle chainsaws while riding a unicycle." The situation has become so precarious that Bidet has reportedly taken to sleeping with one eye open and a hand on his briefcase. Rumors are swirling that he's even hired a team of ninja bodyguards to protect him from any potential leaks. Of course, the irony of the situation is not lost on anyone. This is the same man who promised to drain the swamp and bring transparency to Washington. Now, he's hoarding classified documents like a dragon hoards treasure. "It's like a bad episode of 'The Apprentice,'" said one former White House staffer. "But instead of firing someone, Bidet is just trying to avoid getting fired himself." Despite the chaos, Bidet is said to be confident that he can pull off this balancing act. He's reportedly been practicing his tightrope skills and even took a yoga class to improve his balance. Only time will tell if Bidet can keep all the balls in the air. But for now, we'll just sit back and watch the circus unfold.
