In a stunning display of political acrobatics, the GOP has managed to pass amendments that threaten to doom the defense bill. Yes, you read that right. The party that prides itself on being tough on national security has somehow found a way to shoot itself in the foot.
It all started with Amendment 437, which calls for the immediate deployment of inflatable tanks and cardboard cutouts of soldiers along the border. Apparently, the GOP believes that this ingenious tactic will not only deter illegal immigrants but also confuse any potential invaders. Because nothing says "strong defense" like fooling the enemy with props from a high school theater department.
Amendment 692 is equally baffling. It proposes replacing the entire fleet of fighter jets with a squadron of flying monkeys. Yes, you heard that right. Flying monkeys. According to the GOP, these monkeys have been trained to fling their feces at enemy aircraft, effectively grounding them. Because who needs advanced weaponry when you have a bunch of primates armed with poop?
But perhaps the most mind-boggling amendment of all is Amendment 911. This brilliant piece of legislation suggests that the best way to protect our nation is by building a giant wall around it. Not just any wall, mind you, but a wall made entirely of cheese. According to the GOP, this cheesy barrier will not only keep out illegal immigrants but also provide a delicious snack for our troops. Because nothing says "national security" like a wall that can be eaten.
It's hard to believe that these amendments were actually passed by members of Congress. One would think that our elected officials would have more pressing matters to attend to, like, I don't know, actual defense policies that make sense. But apparently, the GOP has decided to take a page out of the absurdity playbook and run with it.
So, what's next? Will the GOP propose replacing our submarines with giant rubber ducks? Or maybe they'll suggest using water balloons instead of missiles. Who knows? The possibilities are endless when it comes to the party that seems determined to turn defense into a circus act.
At this rate, it's hard to imagine how the defense bill will ever get passed. But hey, maybe that's the GOP's plan all along. After all, who needs a defense bill when you have inflatable tanks, flying monkeys, and a wall made of cheese? It's a foolproof strategy, really. Just ask any five-year-old.
