WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, Vice President Mike Pence has been indicted for his alleged role in the Special Counsel's case, with Pence claiming that he was simply following the instructions of his "Trump Card."
The indictment, which was unsealed yesterday, accuses Pence of several charges, including obstruction of justice, conspiracy, and being an unwitting accomplice to presidential shenanigans. The Vice President's defense, however, rests on the claim that he was merely playing the role of a dutiful sidekick, following the lead of his boss.
"I was just following orders," Pence pleaded, as he tried to maintain a straight face during a press conference. "I mean, have you ever tried saying 'no' to the President? It's like trying to resist the gravitational pull of a black hole. You just get sucked in."
Legal experts are divided on the validity of Pence's defense. Some argue that as the second-in-command, he should have exercised more independent judgment and not blindly followed the President's directives. Others, however, believe that Pence's defense holds water, given the notorious influence and persuasive powers of the "Trump Card."
"The 'Trump Card' is a well-known phenomenon in Washington," explained political analyst, Dr. Satire McLaughlin. "It's this mystical force that compels people to do things they wouldn't normally do. It's like a Jedi mind trick, but with a combover."
Indeed, many members of the Trump administration have claimed to have fallen under the spell of the "Trump Card." Former White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, famously claimed that he was forced to lie about the size of the inauguration crowd because of the "Trump Card's" influence.
While Pence's defense may seem far-fetched to some, it has garnered support from a surprising source - President Donald Trump himself.
"Look, folks, Mike is a tremendous guy, a tremendous guy," Trump said in a recent tweet. "He's doing a fantastic job. And if he says he was just following my instructions, then believe me, he was just following my instructions. No collusion, no obstruction, just tremendous leadership."
Legal proceedings are set to begin next month, and the nation eagerly awaits the outcome of this high-profile case. In the meantime, Pence has reportedly been practicing his poker face, hoping that it will be enough to convince the jury that he was simply playing the hand he was dealt.
