TRUMPIn a stunning turn of events, former President Donald Trump has announced the inaugural “Pray for Peace” festival, which he initially intended to be a somber affair but quickly transformed into a high-flying spectacle after a scheduling mix-up with the U.S. Navy. The festival will feature airborne blessings delivered by fighter jets, proving that when it comes to seeking divine intervention, nothing says “grace” like the roar of a jet engine.
3 min · 19 MAYLOUISIANAIn a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and local children squealing with joy, a Louisiana Senate candidate has lost his bid for office after making the audacious promise to replace all state roads with water slides. Yes, you read that right—water slides. Because nothing says “infrastructure improvement” like a 300-foot-tall loop-de-loop right in the middle of Main Street.
3 min · 19 MAYTINA PUDDINGIn a move that has left both local politicians and dessert enthusiasts scratching their heads, Tina Pudding, the self-proclaimed local election denier and part-time cake decorator, has decided to turn her recent statewide clemency initiative into a fundraising event for the annual National Prayer Breakfast. The twist? She’s only inviting chocolate cake. Yes, you heard that right—just chocolate cake. Apparently, Tina has a very specific vision for her “Clemency and Cake” fundraiser, and it involves more cocoa and less accountability.
3 min · 19 MAYTAIWANIn a bold and unprecedented move to foster international harmony, a local bubble tea shop in Taiwan has announced that it will be offering free drinks to world leaders, in hopes of cooling down tensions that might arise over who gets the last boba. This initiative comes after an infamous incident where Chinese President Xi Jinping and former U.S. President Donald Trump engaged in a heated argument over the final cup of bubble tea during an informal summit. Eyewitnesses reported that the confrontation escalated dramatically when both leaders attempted to use chopsticks to extract the last tapioca pearl, leading to what some are now calling “The Great Boba Brawl of 2023.”
3 min · 19 MAYTRUMPIn a surprising twist to international diplomacy, former President Donald Trump arrived in Beijingle (yes, it’s a new city he created after learning that Beijing was already taken) with a suitcase bursting at the seams with 10,000 fortune cookies. The mission? To negotiate the Taiwan trade wars. The method? Cookie diplomacy, of course. Forget economics; it’s all about crispy wafers and vague prophecies!
3 min · 19 MAY