Washington D.C. - In a historic Oval Office address, Bidet celebrated the averted bathroom crisis that threatened to tear the nation apart. The bipartisan toilet paper deal, which was reached after months of negotiations, has been hailed as a triumph of cooperation and compromise.
"This is a great day for America," Bidet said, beaming with pride. "We have proven that when we put aside our differences and work together, we can achieve great things. Today, we have secured the future of our nation's bathrooms."
The deal, which was brokered by a group of bipartisan lawmakers, will ensure that every public restroom in the country is stocked with high-quality toilet paper. The move has been met with widespread approval, with many Americans taking to social media to express their relief and gratitude.
Meanwhile, in other news, a train ride inspired by Indiana Jones went off the rails yesterday, leaving dozens of passengers stranded in the middle of a remote jungle. The ride, which was billed as an "authentic adventure," was supposed to take passengers on a thrilling journey through ancient ruins and treacherous terrain.
Unfortunately, things did not go according to plan. The train derailed just minutes into the ride, leaving passengers to fend for themselves in the wilderness. Many were injured, and some are still missing.
In a related incident, more than 280 clowns were killed yesterday after a shipment of Odor Eaters went horribly wrong. The clowns, who were traveling in a small car as part of a circus parade, had just put on their makeup and were getting ready to entertain the crowds when disaster struck.
The Odor Eaters, which were supposed to freshen up the car's interior, malfunctioned and released a toxic gas that quickly overwhelmed the clowns. Emergency crews arrived on the scene, but it was too late. The clowns were pronounced dead at the scene.
As the nation grapples with these tragic events, many are left wondering what the future holds. Will we ever be able to ride a train or put on clown makeup without fear of disaster? Only time will tell.
