In the latest news, Dump Chump has announced that he will be heading to Miami to learn how to read before his court date for coloring outside the lines in his coloring book. Sources close to him say that he was devastated when he realized that the judge would not accept his excuse of "I thought it was abstract art."
Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated story, Ukranian unicorns have launched a glittery counter-ballet against Russia. It seems that the unicorns are tired of being portrayed as mythical creatures and have decided to take matters into their own hooves. The ballet, titled "Unicorns Against Putin," is said to be a dazzling display of rainbow-colored tutus and twirls.
When asked for comment, a Russian spokesperson simply stated, "We have no comment on the matter. We are too busy dealing with our own unicorn infestation."
As for Dump Chump, he is reportedly struggling with his reading lessons. His teacher, who wishes to remain anonymous, says that he keeps trying to color in the words instead of reading them. When asked for comment, Dump Chump simply replied, "I thought that's how you were supposed to do it."
It seems that both Dump Chump and the Russian government have their hands full with their respective situations. Only time will tell if Dump Chump will be able to read well enough to stay within the lines of his coloring book and if the Ukranian unicorns will be able to bring about change in their portrayal in the media.
