Washington D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, the second indictment of former President Rump has caused chaos in the GOP primary as his rivals scramble to distance themselves from the allegations.
Despite Rump being caught on tape claiming he didn't declassify secret Uranus documents, his fellow Republicans are tap-dancing around the charges, claiming they have nothing to do with the shenanigans.
"I swear, I had no idea about any Uranus documents," said one GOP candidate, nervously shifting from foot to foot. "I was too busy focusing on my own campaign to be involved in any of Rump's schemes."
Another candidate tried a different approach, insisting that they were actually the one who tried to stop Rump from declassifying the documents.
"I begged him not to do it," they said, shaking their head. "But he just wouldn't listen. I had no choice but to distance myself from him and his Uranus obsession."
Meanwhile, Rump himself is remaining defiant, insisting that he's innocent and that the whole thing is just a witch hunt.
"Believe me, folks, I didn't do anything wrong," he said in a tweet. "These Uranus documents are a hoax, and I'm the victim here."
Despite the chaos and confusion, the GOP primary is set to continue, with candidates vowing to stay focused on the issues that matter to the American people.
"We're not going to let this distract us from our mission to make America great again," said one candidate, as their campaign staff frantically tried to find a way to spin the Uranus scandal in their favor.
Only time will tell how this latest Rump indictment will affect the GOP primary, but one thing's for sure - it's going to be a wild ride.
