It seems that the recent affirmative action ruling has already caused quite a stir in the world of college applications. Students across the nation are scrambling to figure out how to navigate this new landscape, where merit and qualifications are no longer the primary factors in admissions decisions. Instead, it seems that the color of your skin or your gender identity are now the golden tickets to getting into your dream school.
Gone are the days when students would spend countless hours studying, volunteering, and participating in extracurricular activities to make themselves stand out. Now, all you need to do is check a box on your application form and voila! You're in. It's as simple as that. Who needs hard work and dedication when you can just rely on your race or gender to get ahead?
Of course, this new system has caused quite a bit of confusion among applicants. Some students have taken to extreme measures to ensure they have the best chances of getting accepted. One student, in a desperate attempt to boost his chances, decided to identify as a "transracial" individual. He claimed that he had always felt like he was born in the wrong race and therefore should be given special consideration. Unfortunately for him, the admissions office saw through his ruse and promptly rejected his application.
Others have resorted to more drastic measures, such as undergoing plastic surgery to change their physical appearance. One student, who was of Asian descent, decided to get eyelid surgery in an attempt to appear more Caucasian. When asked about her decision, she simply replied, "Hey, if it helps me get into Harvard, it's worth it!"
Meanwhile, students who have worked hard their entire lives are left feeling disillusioned and betrayed. They can't help but wonder why they bothered putting in the effort when all it takes is a simple checkbox to secure a spot at their dream school. Some have even taken to protesting outside college campuses, holding signs that read, "Meritocracy is dead!" and "Hard work means nothing!"
But fear not, dear readers, for there is a silver lining to this absurdity. With the new affirmative action ruling, we can expect to see some interesting changes in the college landscape. Perhaps we'll see a surge in applications from students claiming to be descendants of ancient civilizations or distant relatives of famous historical figures. After all, if race and gender are now the determining factors, why not get creative with our identities?
So, to all the high school students out there, take heart. The college admissions process may have become a bit of a joke, but at least it's a joke that we can all laugh at together. And who knows, maybe someday we'll look back on this time and wonder how we ever took the college application process seriously in the first place.
