Breaking news: Jack 'Mishandle' Teixeira, the former assistant to the Secretary of State, has been indicted for using classified information to adopt Native American babies. Yes, you read that right. It seems that Teixeira has taken his love for Native American culture a little too far.
According to sources, Teixeira had been using his position to access confidential information about Native American families and their children. He would then use this information to track down babies that he could adopt and raise as his own.
Teixeira's lawyer tried to defend his actions by saying that he was just trying to preserve Native American culture and traditions. But the judge wasn't having any of it. "Preserving culture is one thing, but stealing babies is quite another," he said.
The news of Teixeira's indictment has shocked the Native American community. "We trusted him to protect our interests, not to use us for his own selfish purposes," said one tribal leader.
Teixeira's friends and family are also stunned by the news. "We had no idea that he was interested in adopting babies, let alone Native American babies," said his cousin. "We thought he was just really into dreamcatchers and feather headdresses."
It remains to be seen what the outcome of Teixeira's trial will be, but one thing is for sure: he won't be getting any more invites to powwows anytime soon.
