In a bizarre turn of events, Daniel Penny has been indicted for choking a submarine sandwich in Trump's historic federal case. Yes, you heard that right. In the midst of a presidential impeachment, the federal government has decided to focus on the real issues at hand - sandwich choking.
It's unclear what exactly led to Penny's indictment. Was it the fact that he chose to eat a submarine sandwich instead of a more American option like a hot dog or apple pie? Or was it the way he aggressively shoved the sandwich into his mouth, causing it to lodge in his throat?
One thing is for sure - this case is going to be a real nail-biter. Will Penny be found guilty for his heinous crime against the sandwich community? Or will he be able to prove his innocence and clear his name?
Meanwhile, the rest of the world is left scratching their heads, wondering how we got to this point. Is this really what our justice system has come to? Are we so divided as a country that we can't even agree on the proper way to eat a sandwich?
As the trial moves forward, one thing is certain - it's going to be a long, strange journey. But hey, at least we can all take comfort in the fact that our tax dollars are being put to good use.
