Washington D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, President Dump has been announced as a defendant in court for his alleged involvement in a number of scandals. But rather than lying low and focusing on his defense, the President has decided to raise money for his reelection campaign by using “alternative facts”.
“I don’t need to prove my innocence in court,” said Dump at a recent press conference. “I’ve got the best alternative facts money can buy. And believe me, people are buying them.”
The President’s campaign team has reportedly been selling “alternative fact” t-shirts, hats, and other merchandise to supporters, with slogans like “I believe in alternative facts” and “Don’t believe what you see, believe what I tell you.”
“We’ve already raised millions of dollars with our alternative facts campaign,” said a spokesperson for the Dump campaign. “And we’re not stopping anytime soon. We’ve got alternative facts for everything, from the size of the crowd at the inauguration to the President’s approval ratings. We’re even working on alternative facts for climate change.”
Despite the President’s assurances that he has nothing to worry about in court, legal experts say that his use of alternative facts could actually hurt his case.
“The President’s credibility is already pretty low,” said legal analyst Jane Smith. “Using alternative facts to raise money for his campaign is only going to make things worse for him in court. Judges and juries tend to frown upon people who lie, even if they’re the President.”
But the President seems undeterred by the potential consequences of his actions. “I’ve got a lot of experience with lawsuits,” he said. “Believe me, I know how to win. And with alternative facts on my side, I’m unstoppable.”
As of press time, the Dump campaign had not responded to requests for comment on whether they plan to use alternative facts in court.
