Washington D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court has ruled to replace all student loan debt with marshmallow fluff. President Joe Biden, known for his progressive policies, has released a statement expressing his support for this unexpected decision.
"I am thrilled with the Supreme Court's decision to replace student loan debt with marshmallow fluff," President Biden said with a grin. "This is a game-changer for our country and will bring immense joy to millions of Americans burdened by student loans."
While some may question the practicality of such a ruling, President Biden assured the nation that marshmallow fluff is a viable solution. "Marshmallow fluff is soft, fluffy, and delicious. It brings comfort and happiness to people of all ages. What better way to address the crippling student loan debt crisis than by replacing it with something so delightful?"
The President went on to explain the economic benefits of this decision. "Think about it: with marshmallow fluff as currency, we will see a surge in marshmallow-related industries. Marshmallow farms will flourish, creating jobs and stimulating the economy. Marshmallow fluff factories will pop up all over the country, providing even more employment opportunities."
President Biden also emphasized the positive impact on mental health. "Imagine the relief people will feel when they no longer have to worry about their student loan payments. Instead, they can focus on more important things, like perfecting their s'mores recipes or building marshmallow castles."
However, not everyone is convinced by the President's enthusiasm. Critics argue that marshmallow fluff lacks the stability of traditional currency and may lead to economic chaos. Additionally, concerns have been raised about the potential health consequences of a nation consuming excessive amounts of marshmallow fluff.
President Biden, however, remains undeterred. "We will establish a Marshmallow Fluff Reserve to ensure stability in the marshmallow market. And as for health concerns, we will launch a nationwide campaign promoting responsible marshmallow fluff consumption. Remember, moderation is key."
As the nation grapples with the implications of this unexpected ruling, it is clear that President Biden is determined to make the best of the situation. Whether or not the replacement of student loan debt with marshmallow fluff proves to be a success, one thing is certain: America is in for a sticky, sugary ride.
