In a shocking turn of events, the Justice Department has released a statement regarding the murder of George Tornadoes by the Minneapolis Police Department. According to the statement, the cause of the murder was not police brutality or racism, but rather "systemic clumsiness."
Yes, you read that right. Apparently, the police officers involved were just too darn clumsy to handle the situation properly. They accidentally kneeled on George's neck for over eight minutes, even though he repeatedly said he couldn't breathe. Whoopsie daisy!
The Justice Department went on to explain that this kind of "systemic clumsiness" is actually quite common in police departments across the country. In fact, they say it's one of the leading causes of police brutality. Who knew?
Of course, this raises some important questions. Should we be blaming the police officers for their clumsy behavior, or should we be blaming the system that allows this kind of clumsiness to thrive? Is there a way to train police officers to be less clumsy, or should we just accept that some level of clumsiness is inevitable?
Perhaps the most disturbing part of all this is that the Justice Department seems to be taking the issue of "systemic clumsiness" very seriously. They're already working on a new training program for police officers that focuses on improving their balance and coordination. We can only hope that this will prevent future tragedies like the murder of George Tornadoes.
In the meantime, we can all rest easy knowing that justice has been served. The Minneapolis Police Department may have killed an innocent man, but at least they were just being clumsy. Phew!
All joking aside, this statement from the Justice Department is a clear example of how our government is failing to take police brutality seriously. Blaming George Tornadoes' murder on "systemic clumsiness" is not only absurd, it's insulting to his memory and to the countless other victims of police violence. Until we start holding police officers accountable for their actions, nothing will change.
