In a shocking turn of events, Minneapolis Mayor Floydy McFloydface has ordered Judge Cannonball to jumpstart an investigation into President Trump's alleged secret love for security clearances. The mayor, known for his unconventional and often humorous approach to politics, has cited "concerns for national security and the President's mental stability" as the reasons behind this move.
According to sources close to the mayor, McFloydface became suspicious after seeing Trump's tweets about the importance of security clearances and his frequent requests for classified information. The mayor reportedly joked with his staff that Trump must be "in love with those little badges that say 'top secret'". However, the mayor's humor quickly turned into concern when he realized that the President's obsession with security clearances could pose a serious threat to national security.
In a press conference, McFloydface elaborated on his concerns, stating that "the President's love for security clearances is like a teenager's love for their first car. He wants it so bad, he doesn't care who he has to ask or what he has to do to get it." The mayor went on to say that he trusts Judge Cannonball to lead a thorough investigation into Trump's alleged love affair with security clearances.
The White House has yet to respond to McFloydface's order, but sources close to the President have called the investigation "ridiculous" and "a waste of time". Trump himself has not commented on the matter, but he did tweet earlier today about the importance of "keeping America safe".
As the investigation gets underway, the people of Minneapolis are left wondering what other secrets the President may be hiding. Will Judge Cannonball uncover evidence of Trump's secret love for other government badges, like the TSA PreCheck or the Department of Agriculture's "Certified Organic" label? Only time will tell.
